# what a long post!
did zone 1, west gate, zone 10, skyhawk.
kena eaten sia.. damn tired.
oh well, slept less den 8 hrs in 2 days but im still feeling okay.
am i too tired to feel tired, used to it, or just getting old?
either way, its not good okay.
average human needs 7-8 hrs of slp a day, goddamned it ahaha.
: (
my friend in fds, lim ser seng, or affectionally known as 'aunty', did a Tarot Card Reading for me for future prospects of love, life and work-related stuff.
Well, he has been always very accurate as of far, but it has been one year since he practiced his tarot stuff so from his actions you could roughly tell he was quite rusty, hahaha.
anyway, the predictions are not very different from the last time he gave me, so that must only mean i have not changed alot for a year or so.
lol of course, im in army, do you expect me to ----change---- into a any different person from what i already was? army is fucking sian de ok. except for SOME people la.
aunty told me ill meet my future partner/wife in a gathering or through the internet.
damnit so zhun, as im mostly using my computer or outside chionging with friends.
he says that i must gan gan pursue my love if i see any potential and also, there will be a barrier that i must cross, but i will succeed because i got the ability to.
lol i think this is true, i am quite perfectionist and always very particular of tiny things, i am more observant than anyone thinks and even though i will have good and creative ideas way beyond many people, i am afraid of failure.
i also have an excellent memory, so sometimes i might remember things that might surprise/amuse you. just don't take it to heart.
however, if i had made up my mind to do something, i can totally succeed with flying colours.
in short, i am lazy and not initiated irregardless of how much potential i have. its just that simple. my life is full of 'flowers' but i never pick only. you can play with so many flowers if you want but there is no point to it, so i dont do it.
its not that i dont want to have a love life now ok, i believe in patience and i am fully aware of the constraints at this age. why hurry, there are many years more to find someone you truly love.
if you truly love someone, you should respect them and give them the best life they can for the rest of their life. they will help you to become the best person you can become and in turn you will help them to become the best person they can become.
there is no point in rushing(you might think otherwise but trust me, NO), everything should be planned and deliberate. this is going to be my honest opinion opinion, i also dont believe in sex before marriage as i am quite the convervative kind of guy despite how pai kia and wild i sometimes is. my reason is simple, respect the lady you love, only do it when you plan for it and what comes after it. many people find 'love' only to fill up their emotional void and our needs. so superficial, so immature, so crappy.
but i am also not a prude obviously, anything other than sex is ok.
but love, as many people know, is blind and forgiving; a flawed person becomes perfect in your eyes, and there could be so much trouble but the two people in love wont even bother about it, thats the beauty, its like two people trapped in a utopian bubble, so so so happy and pretty much alot more oblivious to many things. just plain being in love can change many a people's mindset and attitude towards things, that includes being rash and foolish.
my mindset is strong, but i am flexible as well, so who knows what ill think tomorrow.
next, my life. aunty says my life and my job will be smooth sailing but there is a catch.
i will achieve everything i eventually want, but i will not be a truly happy person.
so the problems lies with me, i am a very cold and meticulous person and i dont get happy that easily because im too factual. i should probably change!
that means i will be more appealing and friendly if i learn to forget the little things in life and be less of a cynical robot.
ya lor, i cant disagree with that. its me.
End @ 12:23 PM
# for someone..im sorry.
you might be reading this, or you might be not.
i dont know.
i didnt expect you to wish me happy birthday on msn, so dont be surprised when i dont know what to say, because i did not think that you will talk to me.
so i didnt say much to you. because i dono how to bring myself to talk to u normally and i also dont know what to say. if it offended you, i apologise again.
i have probably a million things to say to you. but i find it really hard to bring myself to talk to you. it is torturing me, but i still must do it, if not i think i will feel worse.
i know its been long since we even chatted, much things have happened. and now we are -distant- again. i feel fucking tong ku whenever i think of you.
again, i dont know if all these are going to make any sense to you.
haha, you might not even know what im talking about.
everything i do, there is a reason, and to me it is the best way out.
i am peaceful and i do not wish for conflict to happen.
i dont get angry easily... but that also means once i get angry, i become a person no one wants to see.
so sometimes i convert my anger into sadness, so i can only feel it for myself.
whether you will ever talk to me again, i dont know.
but if you do, i will try to speak something instead of a short and lame sentence.
once again, i say sorry.
周杰伦 got one song called 安静.
the entire song, even the fucking song title describes my fucking feeling.
i listen liao also feel like crying, i have no need to paste the lyrics here, i think everyone knows how to sing it.
End @ 12:35 AM
# virtue, thy name is?
sometimes, or rather on many occasions, you are obliged to accomplish a certain task.
you get about it, and the multitude of scenes of you thinking up methods and means to solve your problem fast forward in your mind like a cheap reel of film.
you come to a conclusion, was it a good one? a bad one?
urgh, it turned out to be bad. could it have been avoided, or there was an inherent flaw in your thoughts?
you know it, or you think you know it.
analyze ,compare, ......or wait for a better choice.
half of you says be contented with this particular choice, half of you says theres always a better choice.
both halves could be heavily influenced by a myriad of external and internal factors.
experience and intelligence will generally allow for a favourable and general outcome.
but there is always the unknown factor, the uncertainty, the which-cannot-be-explained, the unforeseen.
virtue, thy name is patience?
i hope so.
i read somewhere, they say the brain is more active and sensitive at wee hours and when you are not feeling sleepy.
not a ounce of doubt i should deduce so.
End @ 6:25 AM